Welcome to the only REAL Barack Obama Jokes Website.
Don't be afraid to laugh at politically incorrect Obama jokes! Most of the Obama jokes on the Web are as mild as the softball questions Obama gets from the smitten reporters and reporterettes of the press.
Not here!
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The Latest Obama Jokes
(Contributed or inspired by readers.)
General Motors has announced a plan to use its bail out money to acquire China-made vehicles to sell in the United States. They'll be called Obamobiles.
Tip o'the hat to Kirk
Have you heard about the new Obama flavor-changing Kool-Aid? Just add polling data!
Tip o'the hat to Sharon
This marks the first time a President has given a press conference to remind us to wash our hands. He actually held a town hall meeting before that. It’s now a toss-up; who’s on TV more – Barack Obama or the Sham Wow Guy?
Tip o'the hat to Rocky D
It was once said that an African-American would become president "when pigs fly." Well, 100 days into the Obama presidency... Swine Flu!
Tip o'the hat to Susanna, Borat, Allen, Teresa and Jill
A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
Tip o'the hat to David T.
Q. Obama and Biden decided to take an excursion through the Grand Canyon riding a donkey. The donkey became spooked along the path and fell off. Who was saved?
A. Obama and Biden. They both landed on their egos.
Tip o'the hat to Carter
OBAMA
O ne
B ig
A wful
M istake
A merica
Tip o'the hat to Chad
Q. Obama and Hillary Clinton are trapped in a life raft in the middle of the ocean. Who survives?
A. The one who doesn't fall asleep first.
Tip o'the hat to Alex
Q. What's the difference between Obama giving a speech and a cardboard cutout of Obama giving a speech?
A. The cardboard cutout looks at the camera instead of the teleprompter.
Tip o'the hat to Vince
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Obama Tax Jokes
"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit Obama's national debt." -- Tip o'the hat to Herbert Hoover
Based on his performance in office so far, President Obama should do just fine on his future tax returns. After all, he will be able to write off his second term.
It's too bad that we can't buy stock in the federal tax system. With Obama as president that will be only thing sure to go up.
President Obama is angrily calling for more federal tax increases. He just heard from his advisors that some American taxpayers weren't completely broke yet.
The best things in life are free but President Obama's tax advisors are working hard trying to solve that problem.
Barack Obama isn't planning on buying TurboTax®. Obama can turbocharge our taxes all by himself.
President Obama's tax return should list Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright as dependents.
President Obama plans to start printing income tax forms on Kleenex, so it will be easier for us to pay through the nose.
President Obama has just announced that he has a new plan to simplify the tax code. From now on only the Republicans will have to have to pay any taxes.
Q. Who should be listed as the most expensive dependent on your tax return?
A. President Obama.
President Obama will make it a lot easier for most people to do their income taxes next year. No jobs, no income.
Under Obama everyone in America will be working for the government. Democrats will be on the payrolls and Republicans will be on the tax rolls.
In the interest of full disclosure, President Obama's should declare all of the fawning media coverage he's received so far as a gift on his tax return.
Despite what some people are claiming, this country is just as free under the Obama presidency as it ever was . . . unless you happen to be a taxpayer.
If President Obama listed free enterprise on his tax return, it would have to be listed as a liability. That's because he just writes it off.
Today the IRS released new guidelines on how to avoid audits while Obama is the president. Number one - Don't list excessive deductions. Number two - File your return on time. Number three - Register to vote as a Democrat.
Judging by his wild spending so far, President Obama has apparently decided that it is easier to trim the taxpayers than to trim federal spending.
Don't think of it as paying more taxes. Think of it as giving Obama a big tip.
Thanks to President Obama we will become a more honest people. Once we're all jobless there won't be any point in lying on our tax returns.
Next year's "stimulus" tax return will fit on a postcard.
- How much money did you make?
- Mail it in.
President Obama intends to reward ambition. With higher taxes.
Now that Obama is the President you can still get ahead if you get up early in the morning, work late every day and hit the lottery.
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Barack Obama's Fake Birth Certificate
Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He's deciding which of his names (Barack Barry Hussein Obama Soetoro) to put on it.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. The ink isn't dry yet.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. Hillary Clinton won't give it back to him.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He wants to surprise us at his swearing in.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He accidently smoked it.
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Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.
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Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It got mixed in with his Rezko mortgage records and shredded.
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Racist Jokes about Obama
1. If you have ever chuckled at his middle name, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
2. If you ever ridiculed the assertion that tire gauges lower gas prices, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
3. If you ever laughed at the claim that he campaigned in 57 states, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
4. If you ever suggested that the "Vero Possemus" campaign signs had something to do with possums, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
5. If you ever downloaded the video of him bowling a 37 in front of reporters, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
6. If you ever shared the video comparing him to Paris Hilton, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
7. If you ever cracked wise about his cocaine use, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Dubya's alleged cocaine use is politically correct.)
8. If you ever made fun of his big ears, you may be guilty of Obama jokes. (Joking about Perot's big ears is politically correct.)
9. If you ever said that the look on his wife's face could curdle fresh milk, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Cindy McCain's face is politically correct.)
10. If you ever noted that his pastor acted like he was on Def Comedy Jam, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
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Popular Barack Obama Jokes
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.Q. How can you tell when Obama has been smoking dope?
A. He answers the door when the phone rings.Q. Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states?
A. His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan.Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"
Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”
Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”Harry Truman said, “The buck stops here!”
Barack Obama says, “Leave the bucks here!”
Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbishQ. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
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Proof that Barack is the Obamessiah
Obama preached to the multitude by the side of the lake.
Obama created new states from out of the void.
Obama turned whine into Kool-Aid® for his followers.
Obama came to us carried upon a donkey.
Obama triumphed over the beast, the enemy of all men.
Obama was stoned and yet he has risen.
Obama's flock has millions of sheep.
Obama will reign over us from a house with many rooms.
You must have no other candidates before Obama.
Obama will raise voters from the dead. Count on it.
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Vote for Barack Obama
Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.
Q. Why did Senator Hillary Clinton vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he stole the primary election fair and square.Q. Why did Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.
Q. Why did Ho Chi Minh vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.
Q. Why did Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of George Bush jokes.
Q. Why did David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.
Q. Why did Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she was running out of other crazy things to do.
Q. Why did Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. Did Senator Larry Craig vote for Barack Obama?
A. He'll stalled first.
Q. How did Osama Bin Laden vote for Barack Obama?
A. Absentee ballot.
Q. Why did Bill Ayers vote for Barack Obama?
A. Bill thinks Obama's the bomb.
Q. Why did sharks vote for Barack Obama?
A. Professional courtesy.*********************
Obama Is So Pretty
Obama is so pretty that the new symbol of the Democrat Party will be a unicorn
Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him
Obama is so pretty that the White House Rose Garden will need to triple in size
Obama is so pretty that his anti-matter version is James Carville
Obama is so pretty that his supporters think that he's smart
Obama is so pretty that he won't ride in Ted Kennedy's car
Obama is so pretty that he would be a 10 if his Daddy owned a liquor store
Obama is so pretty that he would even look good in a Hillary pantsuit
Obama is so pretty that when he goes to Iraq he has to wear a Burka
Obama is so pretty that he gives John Edwards makeup tips
Obama is so pretty that his mirror on the wall was struck speechless
Obama is so pretty that he can wear white after labor day
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